That one Time at Kohl’s

It was cold. It was raining. It was late. We both needed to make returns, so we headed to Kohl’s. Just the two of us. These types of adventures are rare. There is often a third wheel, and she takes most of the attention. This night was different. It was calm. It was uneventful. Well, until it wasn’t.

We headed to the back of the store, where Maurmi attempted to make her first-ever Amazon return. Two shirts. Two different sizes. She quickly started in with, “This is my first time. I’ve never done this. What do you need from me?” Behind a sheet of plexiglass stood a teenage employee, who undoubtably hates his job on a normal night. This rainy eve, he was less than enthusiastic to walk her through the process. Lest I forget to mention, her hair was a mess from the rain. Her clip just wouldn’t stay still and with each new question, she went in for a restyle.

“Ma’am, I need to see your barcode?”

“I’m not sure which is which.” She laughed and adjusted her bangs.

“Ma’am, if you just let me scan it, I can figure that out.” Stone faced

“Let me grab my glasses. Oh this hair! Thank you so much for your patience.”

She’s always polite and kind and cheery. He wasn’t returning her holly jolly attitude.

“OK. That’s the small. Let me see the other code.”

At this point, I thought we might have to resuscitate him. He was fading fast.

“Here’s the large.” She presented the package and gave her bangs an adjustment.

“Your hair looks fantastic,” I remarked. In an effort to make her laugh and to see if our friendly Kohl’s associate was still breathing.

Nothing……

As she wrapped it up with Mr. Happy Holidays, I wandered off to the children’s department. I was gone exactly 10 seconds when she came running down the aisle, stopping to cross her legs and wipe the tears from her eyes.

“I swear to God! I thought it was a mirror! But it was him! I was right up in his face! This damn hair!”

It wasn’t computing. What had happened? What mirror? There was no mirror! And then I realized what she had done!

After saying their goodbyes and her attempt at exchanging pleasantries, she had taken a step to the left, put her face right up to that sheet of plexi and went after that do. What she didn’t immediately realize was that it wasn’t her reflection she was seeing. It was the employee of the month and he was shook! They almost shared a kiss and she didn’t even catch his name.

Instead of just walking away, as if nothing had happened, she tried to fix things!

“Oh! Oh! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there! I thought this was a mirror! This damn hair!”

That’s when she turned around to catch me in the aisle. As soon as I realized what had happened, I lost all control. Control of my tears, my laughter, my bladder. It was all gone. We were so loud that I’m surprised we weren’t asked to leave. Once we gained a tiny bit of composure, we finally walked away…..In the distance I swear I heard him say, “Mirror, mirror on the wall…….”

 

2 Comments on That one Time at Kohl’s

  1. Mary Allen
    November 29, 2020 at 8:43 pm (8 months ago)

    OmG…Thank you I needed a good laugh this evening! Absolutely Love your stories😊🤣❤

    Reply
  2. Verinica
    November 29, 2020 at 10:00 pm (8 months ago)

    Oooh, my sides hurt, tears are burning my eyes. I read this out loud to Ron and it was hilarious. I wish he would have videoed me gasping for air as i did this COLD READ. 😄😄😄😁😆🤣🤣

    Reply

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